I’d bet that New York City is the only place in the world where at three in the morning you can say to yourself, “I really want to ejaculate, but I’d rather not fire up my own computer. Also, I’m hungry for a hot dog, but I’d rather not cook it myself. Which will I choose? The pursuit of ejaculation, or the pursuit of a hot dog?” and can then honestly reply to yourself, “I don’t have to choose. Those things are available 24 hours a day. Within steps of each other.”

Chris Gethard sums up one of the many beautifully bizarre reasons why NYC is a wonderful place to live. Check out the rest of his New York story.

Catch him at the UCB Theatre tomorrow, or check out The Chris Gethard Show tonight at 11pm on Manhattan Neighborhood Network—tonight’s guests are Danny Tamberelli and Michael Maronna, aka Little and Big Pete. Awesome.

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